Stan By Me
by daky
Summary: Francine starts doubting Stan's loyalty when he meets Amanda, the new secretary at the CIA. Meanwhile, Hayley gets infected with "bad luck" virus that Roger passed on her.


This is my very first story and I hope you'll like it. I wrote it to look like a typical American Dad episode. Please R&R.

**Disclaimer:** American Dad™ characters, names, and all related indicia are registered trademarks of their respective owners. I do not own any of the characters.

(Morning in the Smith house. In the kitchen, Francine is washing the dishes while Klaus is watching her every move lustfully. Steve and Hayley are sitting at the table having breakfast.)

Klaus: Oh, _meine kleine_ Francine, how I love the way you're scrubbing that dishes. Maybe later you could scrub _main_ bowl as well... (more lustfully) and maybe myself.  
Francine: Klaus, I'm so sick of your innuendos. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm a married woman. And even if I'm not... I mean, come on. You're just a goldfish.  
Klaus: Maybe I'm a goldfish, but I'm goldfish with _Leidenschaft_. There's something to say about that.  
Francine: Will you cut it out if I give you a double portion of fish food?  
Klaus: There's only one way to find out.  
(Francine takes the fish food and starts dropping it in the Klaus' bowl.)  
Klaus: Fish food! Sweet, sweet, tasty fish food! (starts eating gluttonously)

Steve: (finishing his meal) Well, today's the big day for me.  
Hayley: Why? Did you finally hit the puberty? Congratulations.  
Steve: You just make fun of me while you still can, butt-face. Today I'm asking out Mona.  
Francine: Who's Mona?  
Steve: Just one of the sweetest and the coolest girls in school. And I'm gonna make her mine tonight.  
Hayley: Good luck! Mona is dating only cool guys.  
Steve: I am cool. I'm cool enough to get her. She can't possibly say no.  
Hayley: (mockingly) Yeah, right.  
Steve: OK, tell you what. I'll bet you twenty bucks I'll make her mine.  
Hayley: Alright. (pulls out 20 dollars and puts them on the table) But you gotta prove that she's your girlfriend. Say, there'll be a big school dance on Friday. You have to go there with her, and kiss her in front of everybody... If you do that, you win the bet.  
Steve: Fine! (they shake hands) You're gonna lose this bet and it'll finally shut your big mouth.  
Hayley: We'll see about that. (gets up from the table and walks out of the kitchen)

(CIA headquarters. Stan is working at his table. Avery Bullock enters his office with a girl)  
Stan: Good day, sir. Who's the lady?  
Avery: Stan, I want you to meet Amanda, our newest secretary.  
Amanda: Nice to meet you, Mr. Smith.  
Stan: (walks to her and kisses her hand). Oh, please call me Stan.  
Amanda: (giggles) You're cute, Stan.  
Stan: I can only reply with the same compliment, lovely lady.  
Avery: Come on, Amanda. You've got work to do. (leaves Stan's office)  
Amanda: (leaving) See you, Stan. It was really sweet to make your acquaintance.  
Stan: (remaining the only one left in the office) God... she is beautiful. She is beautiful.

(Steve is having lunch at school with Snot, Barry and Toshi)  
Steve: There she is. Ah, Mona. Could she be any more pretty? Mm... I guess not.  
Snot: Yes, she is really pretty. I bet every guy in the school would like to make her his.  
Steve: You're right, my dear Snot. And I...  
Barry: She's got big boobies!  
Steve: ...Yes, she has, Barry, thank you... Not only I would like to make her mine, but I'll also do so.  
Snot: You're crazy, man! You've got no chance! Everybody knows she only likes cool guys!  
Toshi: (in Japanese) "You horny fool, you wouldn't stand a chance even if you were ten times cooler."  
Steve: Thanks for believing in me, Toshi. Well, here it goes.  
(Steve approaches Mona)  
Steve: Hey, Mona. Uh... Hi.  
Mona: Hi, Steve. What's up?  
Steve: Um... See, I was wondering... You know about the big school dance at Friday, don't you?  
Mona: Yeah. What about that?  
Steve: Well, I just wanted to ask you if... I don't know... if you don't have a date for the dance, maybe you would... uh...  
Mona. You mean, go out with you?  
Steve: (encouraged) Well... yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what I meant to say. So? How would you like that?  
Mona: I'd love to.  
Steve: Really?  
Mona: Sure.  
Steve: (thinking) Oh, God! I made it! She said yes! I'll win that bet! Hayley, you're gonna be so humiliated! (loud) So, I'll pick you up about... let's say... eight o'clock?  
Mona. Alright. I'll see you then. (walks off)  
(Steve comes back to his friends)  
Steve: Gentlemen... I have to inform you that I just made it. She sad yes, and she's gonna be my date at the dance.  
Snot: She said yes?! I'd watch myself if I were you, man. She's gonna make a fool of you. She's going to screw you up badly!  
Steve: Or maybe we're gonna have a hell of a time. And not only I'll date the sweetest girl in the school, but I'll also win twenty bucks! So see you at the dance, losers! (leaves)

(Smith house. Roger is sitting watching TV and eating junk food.)  
Francine: Ugh, Roger. All you ever do is eating and watching TV. Have you ever tried to do something that won't be completely waste of your time?  
Roger: (turns his head toward Francine) Well excuse the hell out of me for being an alien so I can't leave the house. Thank you. (continues watching TV)  
Francine: I didn't mention leaving the house. I'm just saying you could do something useful in this house.  
Roger: Um, Francine, I really don't think-  
Francine: Hayley's cleaning her room. Why don't you go help her?  
Roger: Uh... I don't really think that Hayley would like me snooping in her room.  
(Hayley walks in.)  
Hayley: Hey, Roger, my room is an absolute mess. Would you help me clean it?  
Roger: (groaning reluctantly) Oh, all right. (to TV) See you later, VH1. We're not meant to be together this afternoon.

(Roger and Hayley go up the stairs. Stan comes in the house.)  
Stan: Hello, my devoting wife! (kisses her) How was your day?  
Francine: Oh, hello, sweetie. Wow, you sure are in the good mood today. Well, my day... oh, it was fine. Yours?  
Stan: It was totally freakin' sweet. I met an angel today!  
Francine: An angel?  
Stan: Yep. An angel has came to Earth today, and his name is Amanda.  
Francine: You mean you've got a new colleague at the work?  
Stan: Oh, she's more than a colleague, Francine. She is... how to put this? She is simply the most beautiful creature I ever saw!  
(Francine frowns at him)  
Stan: I mean... after you, sweetheart. You're the most beautiful creature I ever saw, and she's right behind you.  
Francine: Stan, I don't like the idea of you spending days at work with some strange hussy.  
Stan: You're overreacting, Francine.  
Francine: Don't you get it, Stan? I'm afraid that she might seduce you, and you might... oh, I hate even to speak it out... (whispers) cheat on me.  
Stan: That's ridiculous, honey! No woman will ever stand between you and me! Don't even think about something like that!  
Francine: So I can be completely sure?  
Stan: Of course, silly! Now gimme some sugar.  
(They kiss in the lips.)  
Stan: Wow... that's some sweet lips you've got there, Aman... err, Francine.  
(Francine frowns again.)

(Hayley's room. Hayley and Roger are cleaning the mess.)  
Hayley: Thanks for helping me, Roger. This room really needs cleaning.  
Roger: You know, Hayley, I'd really like to say "it was my pleasure", but... it wasn't.  
Hayley: Hey, a little housework will do well to you. (takes a glass of water from the table) Boy, am I thirsty. (drinks)  
Roger: Hayley, no! Don't drink that!  
Hayley: Why not?  
Roger: Because I was drinking from that glass, and... (Hayley drinks all the water) Oh, my.  
Hayley: What's wrong with you? So what if you were drinking from that glass? I suppose I will get pregnant, like Steve did when he was giving you CPR?  
Roger: No, but you'll get infected with some virus I had recently... my species has it occasionally...  
Hayley: (dizzy) Wow! I have the feeling the whole room is turning around, and around... and around... Man! I wonder what did Jeff put in that brownies today? (falls on the floor)

(About an hour later. Hayley is waking up on her bed.)  
Hayley: My head… What happened?  
Roger: Look, I'll explain it to you. Funny story. You see, I had that virus that my species gets from time to time, and… you're probably infected with it. But the virus isn't dangerous. No big deal. You don't have to worry.  
Hayley: What kind of virus is that?  
Roger: Well, you see... it's some kind of "bad luck virus".  
Hayley: "Bad luck virus"? What the hell is that? (with grimace on her face) Oh… I have some strange feeling in my tummy.  
Roger: Well, that's the thing. You see, whenever you get that strange feeling, something bad will happen to someone. But don't worry, it will last only a few days.  
Hayley: That's ridiculous. How can it bring bad luck if I…  
Francine: (screaming from the kitchen) My roast! My roast is burning! (cries) I spent the whole afternoon preparing it!  
Roger: You were saying?  
Hayley: It was just a coincidence.  
Roger: Don't be stubborn, Hayley. Whenever you get that strange feeling in your tummy, someone around you is having a bad experience. So if you'll excuse me, I want to get away from you before you give me a hard time. (leaves the room)  
Hayley: (angrily) You bastard! You've infected me with your freaky virus and now you're leaving me? (stays alone in the room) Gosh, what am I supposed to do now?  
(Outside the house, Jeff is climbing a ladder to reach the window on the Hayley's room. He knocks on the window and Hayley approaches.)  
Jeff: Hey, babe. Wanna go hiking? Or, if you prefer, we can drive around in my van or anything else you'd like.  
Hayley: Look, Jeff, I'd love to, but I have… some sort of disease. It's, um, contagious, so I don't want you to get infected too. We'll go some other time, okay?  
Jeff: No problem, baby! (starts going down)  
Hayley: (thinking) Oh, my God, there's that feeling again!  
(Ladder breaks and Jeff falls on the ground)  
Hayley: Jeff! Are you OK?  
Jeff: (painfully) I'm fine, babe. Well, catch ya later! (walks off gobbling)  
(Hayley sighs)

(Next day. CIA headquarters. Stan is working at his table. Jackson enters his office.)  
Jackson: Hey, Stan, guess what? Since we reduced threat level to blue again, so we can take a half-day.  
Stan: Oh, sweet! (Jackson leaves)  
(Stan is about to exit the office when Amanda comes in.)  
Amanda: Hello, Stan.  
Stan: Oh, Amanda! Hi. What's goin' on?  
Amanda: Well, since we got that half-day… I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me? You know, just a humble meal in the local restaurant. Nothing special.  
Stan: Amanda, I'd love to, but… you see, I'm married.  
Amanda: Duh! So am I. Does that mean I can't have lunch with any other man but my husband? After all, we're just colleagues.  
Stan: You've got a point there. OK, let's go. (they leave)

(Local restaurant. Stan and Amanda are having lunch.)  
Stan: Mm, this steak is delicious. I never knew they serve such a lovely food here. Imagine this: I pass by this restaurant all the time and I never got an idea to stop by and taste the food.  
Amanda: I know. My husband and I accidentally came here one day because I was hungry and there wasn't any other restaurant around, and… now I come here quite often.  
Stan: You know, Amanda, you're a really nice girl. Your husband is a really lucky guy.  
Amanda: That's what I think for you, too.

(Francine is walking down the street across the restaurant wearing bags with groceries.)  
Francine: (looking at the shop list) Let's see. I've bought bread, carrots, tuna, broccoli, Pecan Sandies for Roger… Um… today is Tuesday, so I have to make casserole, and I'll… (spots Stan and Amanda in the restaurant)  
Francine: (gasps) What the hell? It's Stan and some girl in that restaurant! And I think it's a safe bet that's that harlot he told me about! (looks at the watch) Oh, and in the work time! (screams and drops her bags)

(Smith house. Roger is watching TV on the couch. Hayley enters the room.)  
Hayley: Hey, Roger.  
Roger: Hey, Miss Bad Luck.  
Hayley: Stop it. It's all your fault. (sits on the couch next to him) Listen, I wanted to ask you – how can I tell when will I get that feeling in my belly? And how can I know who will have a bad experience?  
Roger: There are no rules, Hayley. It can happen anytime, anywhere, to anybody. You just have to deal with it for a next few days.  
Hayley: Oh, crap- But wait! How come you don't have the same symptoms if you're also infected with that virus?  
Roger: I am. I just don't mention it. I figured – I cause enough trouble around the house already.  
Hayley: So that explains my laptop that suddenly broke last week!  
Roger: Oh, it was a crappy laptop anyway.  
Hayley: Oh, God! There's that strange feeling again!  
(TV goes off.)  
Hayley & Roger: (screaming) No!!  
Hayley: God. I hope that all this will be over soon.

(Francine is making casserole in the kitchen. Stan walks in.)  
Stan: Honey, I'm home!  
Francine: So… Does she make out better than me?  
Stan: Beg your pardon?  
Francine: I saw you and Amanda today! You escaped from work just to be with that whore!  
Stan: What are you talkin' about, honey?  
Francine: Don't play innocent with me, Stan Smith! You were in the restaurant with that woman!  
Stan: All right, I admit it, I was. But it was a half-day at work, and we just had lunch together! Come on, honey, you must believe me. I would never cheat on you, and you know it. Besides, she has a husband, too.  
Francine: Well… OK. I think I believe you. (hugs him)

(Next day. Francine is calling Linda Memari on the phone.)  
Linda: Hello?  
Francine: Hi, Linda. It's Francine.  
Linda: Hi, Francine. How are you?  
Francine: To be honest with you, Linda, not so good. See, Stan is maybe kind of cheating on me.  
Linda: That's awful!  
Francine: I know. So I wanted to ask you… Can you come to my house? I need your help.  
Linda: (excited) Sure! Let me just put some nice clothes on.  
Francine: See you soon. (hangs up)  
(A few minutes later, Linda is ringing a bell on the Smith house wearing some sexy clothes. Francine opens.)  
Francine: I'm glad you came so quickly, Linda. Come on in.  
(They sit on the couch.)  
Francine: You see, Stan is hanging out with some girl lately. He claims he's not cheating on me and I wish I can trust him, but I just can't be completely sure.  
Linda: (excitedly) Yeah? And you wanted me to…?  
Francine: I wanted you to help me following him when he leaves the CIA headquarters. I know it's not very nice, but that's the only way to find out whether he's telling the truth.  
Linda: (slightly disappointed) Oh… So that's what you wanted from me? I thought you wanted… Never mind what I thought. All right, I'll be happy to help.

(Friday evening in the CIA headquarters. Work time is over and Stan is about to go home. Amanda enters his office.)  
Amanda: Hello, Stan.  
Stan: Oh, hi, Amanda. Another workday has come to an end, huh?  
Amanda: Yeah… Hey, can I ask you for a favor?  
Stan: Sure. What is it?  
Amanda: You see, our car broke yesterday so I had to come to work by bus today… but I really don't like riding on a bus. So I wanted to know if you could drop me home by your car? I'd be really grateful to you.  
Stan: Of course, Amanda! Let's go. (they walk out)  
(Stan and Amanda exit CIA headquarters. Francine and Linda are hidden in a bush nearby. Francine is watching them with binoculars while Linda wears headphones.)  
Francine: (angrily) She is with that strumpet again! Good thing that I put a bug in Stan's suit this morning so we can hear them. Linda, can you hear what they're talking?  
Linda: Yeah. And Stan just said, "Let's go to your place"!  
Francine: WHAT? Quick, let's get a car and follow them! (they run off)

(Steve and Mona are going to school dance)  
Steve: Listen, Mona, I want you to tell me the truth. You didn't agree to go with me… you know… just to trick me and leave me in the middle of the dance or something?  
Mona: Of course not. Why do you think so?  
Steve: Well… let's face it. You're a really beautiful girl and I… I'm just a geek.  
Mona: (laughs) Steve, do you really think that beautiful girls are dating only strong, handsome and macho guys?  
Steve: Well, I… I…  
Mona: 'Course not, silly! Sometimes, a girl just want to date some guy that is not too big, or strong or anything, but has a good heart and is nice to women. You didn't know that?  
Steve: I guess I didn't.  
Mona: You have pretty much to learn about girls.  
Steve: Yeah, that has always been my problem. Uh… another thing. Will you allow me to kiss you during the dance?  
Mona: I guess so.  
Steve: (thinks) Man, I'm gonna win the bet! I'm totally gonna win it! I'm gonna take that money from Hayley, and there's nothing she can do about it!

(At the school dance. As soon as he enters the school, Steve goes to Hayley.)  
Steve: How 'bout that, smarty? I've brought Mona here, and I'm so gonna dance with her and kiss her aftermath! You better prepare your money 'cause this bet is lost for you.  
Hayley: (confused) Wow. You… you actually made it? You're gonna win the bet?  
Steve: You bet I will… hehe. Now watch and weep. (approaches Mona) Will you save the next dance for me?  
Mona: Sure. Let's dance.  
(They begin to dance. Hayley is standing and watching, stunned.)  
Hayley: (thinking): Well, I guess that's it. I guess Steve is going to win this bet. I thought he couldn't date one of the most beautiful girls in school, but he did. I'll have to congratulate him and give him the money.  
Steve: (after some time) Mm… you're so good dancer, my sweetie.  
Mona: You, too. You know, Steve, I'm really having a great time with you.  
Steve: Sweetie, I can't imagine a place and a time where I'd rather be right now, but here, with you.  
Mona: Aw… that is so sweet!  
(Music song ends.)  
Mona: I'm going to eat and drink something. (approaches the table with food and drink.)  
Steve: (to Hayley) And now, prepare to lose the bet. I'm going to kiss her right now. (goes toward Mona)  
Hayley: (thinks) Oh, God! There's that strange feeling in my tummy again!  
(Steve stumbles, trips, knocks Mona down and she falls on the table that crashes. One of the guys in the room, who was about to open a glass of champagne, turns his head towards them and the cork pops up at that moment, knocking the chandelier that falls down on some another guy who was holding a cigarette. Cigarette falls on the tablecloth burning it, and also burning Mona's dress. Mona starts screaming and running around with a dress burning.)  
Mona: Help! Somebody help me! I'm burning!  
Steve: I'll save ya, sweetie! (takes a bottle of wine and starts sprinkling Mona who falls on the ground)  
Mona: Steve! What the… hell are you… doing?!  
Steve: I'm trying to put off the flame! Just hold still, sweetie!  
(He finally puts the flame off. Mona is standing in front of him with angry look, completely wet and with messy and half-burned dress.)  
Steve: (gritting) So… how 'bout the next dance?  
(Mona punches Steve who falls on the remains of the table, then runs off.)  
Hayley: (thinking) Well, what do you know? That bad luck virus brought me a good luck after all! (to Steve, loud) Well, I guess you owe me twenty bucks, buster.  
Steve: (still laying on the crashed table, covered with food and drink) Damn. I was one step close to win that bet. One step from kissing her! You were so freakin' lucky this time, Hayley!  
Hayley: Yes, I was pretty lucky. (maliciously, more silent) Or was I?

(Night is falling. It rains. Steve and Amanda are driving in Stan's car while Francine and Linda are following them in their car on the distance.)  
Francine: I really want to know what will be Stan's excuse when I catch him red-handed!  
Linda: Francine, we're on the bridge and the road is slippery 'cause of rain. You should drive more carefully.  
Francine: Screw that! All I want right now is… Whoa! (she loses control over the vehicle)  
(Francine and Linda's car smashes through the fence of the bridge and begins to balance on the edge as Francine and Linda screaming)  
Francine & Linda: Help! We'll fall down! Help!!

(In other car)  
Stan: Did you hear that, Amanda? Sounds like someone's screaming behind us.  
Amanda: Turn the car, let's take a look.  
(They spot a car balancing on the edge.)  
Stan: Oh, my God! They're going to die!  
Amanda: Quick! Let's pull that car back!  
(They get out of the car and start pulling Francine and Linda's car.  
Stan: Stronger, Amanda, stronger! They'll fall in the river!  
Amanda: I'm pulling! I'm pulling!  
(They pull the car back on the bridge. Francine and Linda get out.)  
Stan: Are you okay, people…? (amazed) Francine?! Linda?!  
Francine: Yes, it's me! You two-faced jerk!  
Stan: Francine, what the hell is this all about?  
Francine: You know damn well what is this about! I heard that you're going to cheat on me with this harlot! You were going to her place!  
Stan: (sighs) Francine… I thought you know me better. I never really wanted to cheat on you with anybody.  
Francine: No?  
Stan: Of course not. You see, Amanda's car is broken and I was just driving her home. That's all.  
Francine: Really?  
Stan: Yeah. I just meant to drop her there and come back. Isn't that so, Amanda?  
Amanda: Yes. We never had an affair or anything like that, if you thought so. I also have a husband and I would never cheat on him, just like Stan would never cheat on you, Francine. I guess he's more loyal than you thought.  
Francine: Well… (looks down in embarrassment) It seems that I owe you an apology, Stan, for doubting your loyalty. And I owe a double apology to you, Amanda. Sorry I called you a harlot.  
Amanda: That's all right. My first husband was also pretty jealous. I couldn't even talk with any man that's not my cousin without his caviling. That's why I divorced him.  
Stan: So… what are we gonna do now?  
Francine: Drive Amanda home like you wanted, honey. Linda and I will come back to our home. Dinner will wait for you at home when you come back. (kisses him). Let's go, Linda. (gets in her car with Linda and drive off)  
Amanda: You really have a nice wife, Stan. Like I said before… she is lucky to have you.  
Stan: Yeah, I know. All right, let's go home before your husband worries.  
Amanda: Ah, he's not at home right now. He's visiting his friend. She left her husband months ago and she's always talking how she desperately needs a man. My husband really shares her feelings and visits her quite often. Isn't he a thoughtful man?  
(Stan looks her confusedly.)

(Hayley's room. Hayley is laying on her bed and talks with Roger.)  
Roger: Well, it's over. Your bad luck virus is gone. I hope it didn't bring you too much trouble.  
Hayley: You know, Roger… In fact, it wasn't so bad. Don't tell anybody, but it actually brought me good luck at the school dance. I won a bet against Steve thanks to it.  
Roger: Really? Oh, I'm so glad.  
Hayley: Yeah. If it weren't for that virus, I would've lost twenty bucks. And Steve would be mocking me all the time.  
Roger: Good for you, Hayley. But now you don't have to worry about that virus anymore.  
Hayley: I know. Despite all, I wouldn't like to have another… Oh! There's that feeling in my tummy again!  
Roger: That's impossible! You should've healed by now!  
Hayley: Yeah, but I've still got that feeling! I guess that virus is still… (calmly) Nope. Just farted.

(Morning, a few days later. The kitchen in Smith house. Everybody's having breakfast.)  
Francine: Here you are, guys. Scrambled eggs.  
Stan: (tastes) Mm! Those are delightful, Francine.  
Francine: Say, honey, how is everything going with Amanda? Is she mad at me for saying that?  
Stan: Not at all, honey. She accepted your apology, and she meant it.  
Francine: Well, now I can be absolutely positive about her. I hope you two are going to cooperate well in the future.  
Stan: Actually… we're not, Francine. You see, yesterday she informed me that she's going to work in another state. I won't be able too see her anymore.  
Francine: Aw… too bad, honey. I really started to like her.  
Stan: Never mind. I'm richer for a new experience.  
Francine: And I learned I should never doubt your loyalty.  
Stan: (to Steve) Hey, champ, you wanna go to horse races today?  
Steve: Sure, why not?  
Stan: And maybe we can do some betting. You know, I know one horse that is just…  
(Steve screams and runs out of the room.)  
Stan: What's the matter with him?  
Hayley: Oh, I think he's just had enough bets for some time… (maliciously, more silent) for some longer time.

THE END


End file.
